The Way It Almost Is
by Blessed Fish
Summary: To honor those few authors...


A blonde girl sat at her computer, gazing up at the miniscule monitor, with the text reflecting off her glasses. She clicked the scroll button on her mouse, looking for something, but could not find the text she desired. 

__

When will this madness be terminated? Why are there so many random fics? Why is everyone OOC? Why can't I find fiction with original characters like Tsukasa or Mimiru in them? What If is_ an author's best friend, but it doesn't include multi-colored Tsukasa wannabes. _

Sighing, she closed the AOL screen, and double-clicked the tiny Microsoft Word icon near the bottom of her screen. 

This is her story. 

~~~~~~~

Tsukasa: Hi kids!

Mimiru: We all know that this place committed to writing. hack fanfiction is an absolute disaster, because almost every single one is a-

Subaru: FUCKING RANDOM FIC!

Mimiru: Or a-

Subaru: FUCKING FANCHAR!

Tsukasa: So instead of lowering our socks, this newbie author will poke fun at those stupid authors. 

Author: I'm such a hypocrite! ::evil laugh::

Mimiru: Please enjoy this incredibly stupid story, our OOCness, and may your brain rot out. 

The story starts in a place. It is sticky there. A character that could be an uni-sex was laying down in the sticky-ness. Groaning, he/she took her/his orange colored hand and wiped her/his yellow hair with her/his red cloak, and got up. She/he waved her crescent shaped staff that had a floating brown orb in it, and began to look around.

A heavy blade who had brown hair walked up to uni-sex character. "Hi, I'm Mimiru! I hardly ever see a lone wave master working alone… You must be strong!" The wave master ignored her and warped out. 

Amazed by that person's rudeness, Mimiru stole the treasure box that had magically appeared, because if it hadn't magically appeared in front of her, then this whole story would be a rip-off of the original story, and of course, it isn't. Then it struck it that this seemed oddly familiar, but she ignored that feeling, and warped out of the dungeon, ignoring the screaming Bloody Eggs. 

Near this ring of magical-ness, that lone wave master stood. Sobbing, she/he looked up at the sky and yelled. "Why, God, have you given me an abusive mother and a dead dad! Now, I have gender confusion, for my name is Otaku!"

Mimiru appeared in front of Otaku, and stuck her tongue out at him/her. "Noooooo, dear Mimiru! For I love you! And I'm depressed!" Mimiru stuck her tongue back in, and Otaku fell dramatically into Mimiru's arms. 

"NOOOOOOO!" A white-winged woman dropped from the sky and stole Otaku from the Mimiru monster. "Otaku belongs to Subaru, me! That lady who leads the Lime Green Knights!" Both gasped in surprise. Subaru laughed. Oh, how she laughed. And then, she told a terrible secret. "Otaku, I know your secret! You can not log out of this World!"

Otaku began to sob, again, and then a character named Crim appeared. "NO! Subaru, I am supposed to be your's! Not his/her's! " Otaku stopped sobbing, and revealed a flashback.

The rain poured outside and a small child stood in the middle of the road, watching the other children run outside. Then, a motorcycle ran over it. Blood was sprayed all over the road, ignoring the fact that this was a flashback, and no color could be shown, unless it was happy. 

Thus, tears began to fall like waterfalls down Otaku's face. "It-it scarred me for life. I-I-I've never gone on a road again. N-never. Not even to rescue my dad. Even though that's not how he died. "

Mimiru, Crim, and Subaru ignored Otaku's loud sobs, and continued to fight over who belonged to who. Then, magically, though not delicious, a purple and white cat appeared. It floated. Nobody really noticed, so it just kinda floated there, like a cloud. A cloud that mouthed words like a mute TV screen. Spooky, huh? 

Subaru, depressed by all the fighting, fled the scene, and ran into Bear, her old logical buddy. "Oh, Bear, everyone one is fighting over who gets Otaku's organs." 

Then, a crossover began. The popular character YashaInu walked through the scene, carrying a protesting Hasv. Get it? No? Then he was carrying a protesting Haye, both extremely OOC, even by this author's standards. 

Another character from a popular anime came, and stuck her hand and whispered "No matter where you go, everyone is connected." Sadly, a giant Eva came out of the sky and landed her. After the Eva stopped burning, a lady with a guitar came and whacked it. The lady with a guitar pulled out a samurai who looked like a girl, and threw it away, disgustedly. 

Because none of these events had anything to do with this pitiful bunch of letters that isn't humorous and can barely be called a story, they all burned up. 

B-20, an annoying nOOb came, and had a sudden urge to collect Silver grunties. This, liked the crossovers, also had nothing to do with the story, so she exploded into tiny tennis balls, fresh out of the dryer. That last statement made no sense. 

The floating cat who was purple and white continued to float and mouth useless words, and then began to translate internet speech. A character named Sora, from Korea, jumped on him, and they transported to the magical land of lollipops. Somehow, Otaku, Mimiru, and Subaru were also transported there. 

Stuff happened. But nobody really knows what happened, except that Otaku, who was mistaken for a boy, turned out to be a girl in real life, and logged out. Yep.

Unknown to Subaru and Mimiru, Otaku had been having a relationship with a boy named Tsukasa, who also turned out to be a girl, and then they committed suicide, even though God and Vash disapprove of suicide, but God hates Yuri even more. 

Randomly, a self-insertion began, again. A girl with blonde and kinda brownish hair began to dance, and sung the lyrics to the popular song "Funny Bunny". But, that got on everyone's nerves, so she began to sing 'Bring The Pain', and parents did not approve of that. In the end, she began to dance all noodley like, like the red lady on the opening theme, ignoring the fact that she can not dance for beans, even if she really wanted some beans. 

END

How much did this offend you? A lot? A little? Well, review anyone, because I enjoy flames. Thank God for coffee! 


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